So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
