I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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