Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
