im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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