Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
