They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
