Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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