Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
