Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
