On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
