thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
