Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
