So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
