Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
