ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
