the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
