I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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