Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
