My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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