Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
