1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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