We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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