Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
