There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
