I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
