i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
