today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
