I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is wine microwaveable?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
