If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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