I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
