If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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