I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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