I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
