You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
