I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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