Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So squirting runs in the family.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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