are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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