so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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