Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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