he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
