the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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