he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
