Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
