defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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