Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
