New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
