chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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