i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
