do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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