paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
