So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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