Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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