I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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