I skipped work to stalk him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
