He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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