i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
